ELEVEN by Sandra Cisneros

ELEVEN
by Sandra Cisneros

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.
Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.
Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.
You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don’t feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.
Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside me like pennies in a tin Band-Aid box. Today I wish I was one hundred and two instead of eleven because if I was one hundred and two I’d have known what to say when Mrs. Price put the red sweater on my desk. I would’ve known how to tell her it wasn’t mine instead of just sitting there with that look on my face and nothing coming out of my mouth.
“Whose is this?” Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. “Whose? It’s been sitting in the coatroom for a month.”
“Not mine,” says everybody. “Not me.”
“It has to belong to somebody, ”Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It’s an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It’s maybe a thousand years old and even if it belonged to me I wouldn’t say so.
Maybe because I’m skinny, maybe because she doesn’t like me, that stupid Sylvia Saldivar says, “I think it belongs to Rachel.” An ugly sweater like that all raggedy and old, but Mrs. Price believes her. Mrs. Price takes the sweater and puts it right on my desk, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out.
“That’s not, I don’t, you’re not…Not mine.” I finally say in a little voice that was maybe me when I was four.
“Of course it’s yours, ”Mrs. Price says. “ I remember you wearing it once.” Because she’s older and the teacher, she’s right and I’m not.
Not mine, not mine, not mine, but Mrs. Price is already turning to page thirty-two, and math problem number four. I don’t know why but all of a sudden I’m feeling sick inside, like the part of me that’s three wants to come out of my eyes, only I squeeze them shut tight and bite down on my teeth real hard and try to remember today I am eleven, eleven. Mama is making a cake for me for tonight, and when Papa comes home everybody will sing Happy birthday, happy birthday to you.
But when the sick feeling goes away and I open my eyes, the red sweater’s still sitting there like a big red mountain. I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with my ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right. Not mine, not mine, not mine. In my head I’m thinking how long till lunchtime, how long till I can take the red sweater and throw it over the schoolyard fence, or leave it hanging on a parking meter, or bunch it up into a little ball and toss it in the alley. Except when math period ends Mrs. Price says loud and in front of everybody, “Now, Rachel, that’s enough, ”because she sees I’ve shoved the red sweater to the tippy-tip corner of my desk and it’s hanging all over the edge like a waterfall, but I don’t care.
“Rachel, ”Mrs. Price says. She says it like she’s getting mad. “You put that sweater on right now and no more nonsense.”
“But it’s not –“
“Now!” Mrs. Price says.
This is when I wish I wasn’t eleven because all the years inside of me—ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one—are pushing at the back of my eyes when I put one arm through one sleeve of the sweater that smells like cottage cheese, and then the other arm through the other and stand there with my arms apart like if the sweater hurts me and it does, all itchy and full of germs that aren’t even mine.
That’s when everything I’ve been holding in since this morning, since when Mrs. Price put the sweater on my desk, finally lets go, and all of a sudden I’m crying in front of everybody. I wish I was invisible but I’m not. I’m eleven and it’s my birthday today and I’m crying like I’m three in front of everybody. I put my head down on the desk and bury my face in my stupid clown-sweater arms. My face all hot and spit coming out of my mouth because I can’t stop the little animal noises from coming out of me until there aren’t any more tears left in my eyes, and it’s just my body shaking like when you have the hiccups, and my whole head hurts like when you drink milk too fast.
But the worst part is right before the bell rings for lunch. That stupid Phyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than Sylvia Saldivar, says she remembers the red sweater is hers. I take it off right away and give it to her, only Mrs. Price pretends like everything’s okay.
Today I’m eleven. There’s a cake Mama’s making for tonight and when Papa comes home from work we’ll eat it. There’ll be candles and presents and everybody will sing Happy birthday, happy birthday to you, Rachel, only it’s too late.
I’m eleven today. I’m eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish I was anything but eleven. Because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny—tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.

The House on Mango Street - The Story - YouTube

Essay Inspiration : The House on Mango Street

The House on Mango Street 

  

  

At the novel's end, Esperanza declares that she is too strong for Mango Street to keep her forever. What is the nature of her strength? How does Cisneros establish this characteristic elsewhere in the book? 

  

Esperanza feels she is too strong to live on Mango Street. She feels her life would be better if she lived somewhere else. She wants to leave Mango Street so that she can find herself. Esperanza knows that she is not like the others on Mango Street, and she wants to move to a place "with trees around it, a big yard and grass growing without a fence" (page 4). To leave, she must have strength. Where will she get it? I believe her strength comes from within. 

  

Esperanza builds her strength off the mishaps that occur while living on Mango Street. In the vignettes, Esperanza describes some very interesting things that take place on Mango Street. She recalls a time when Sally befriended her and told Esperanza to leave her alone with the boys. Esperanza felt out of place and was very uncomfortable and very ashamed to be in that situation. She wanted more from life than that, so she left the scene. 

  

There was another time when Esperanza wanted to eat lunch in the canteen at school. She was not allowed to eat at school, because she lived close enough to walk home for lunch. But, Esperanza wanted to feel special like the other kids, so she convinced her mother to write a note to the nun in charge giving her permission to eat in the school canteen. The mother wrote the note, but the nun was not convinced. So, she made Esperanza go to the window and point to her house. She was too ashamed to point to the old-run-down home where she lived. This was one of her most embarrassing moments. Not to be outdone, Esperanza said, "I knew then I had to have a house. A real house. One I could point to" (page5). 

  

In "Four Skinny Trees," Esperanza compares herself to the four skinny trees outside her house. Like the trees, she too, has not found her place in the world. Like the trees that are trapped in concrete, she too, feels trapped on Mango Street. But, like the trees, she will grow, and reach and be. "Four who grew despite concrete. Four who reach and do not forget to reach. Four whose reason is to be and be" (page 75). 

  

Esperanza gains strength of character by the many negative things that she sees on Mango Street. Each incident is an opportunity for her to hang on to her optimistic views in spite of her limitations on Mango Street. Seeing the four skinny trees especially increases her desire to leave Mango Street and lay new roots somewhere else.The House on Mango Street 

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Cleofilas, Carmen and Clemencia - FINAL DRAFT

            Cleofilas, Carmen and Clemencia are three female characters in Sandra Cisneros book Woman Hollering Creek and other stories that represent three totally different ideas on love and self worth.  The three women left me wondering; what is a good woman?  Is this woman evil?  What would I do in this situation?  After reading all three stories and analyzing each character, I have decided to explain my thoughts on each woman’s idea of love and how that relates how she values herself. 

            In our first story, “Woman Hollering Creek” written by Sandra Cisneros, Cleofiles is introduced to the us as a young girl who is about to be married off to a Mexican American man.  She has an idealistic view of how the marriage will be as she watched telanovelas all day religiously in her home country of Mexico.  She is excited to experience marriage and dress fancy like the ladies in the soap operas she idolizes.  Cleo has no idea there is so much more ahead for her that she is too naïve know about.  But, before she leaves, her father reminds her that he will always be there for here to come back to if she needs to come back (43).  Once she is married, reality sets in after she already has kids and feels stuck with an abusive husband who talks down to her while she is also in between Dolores and Soledad, her neighbors.  Cleofilas is admirable because she tries as hard as she can to make the marriage work because that is what she believes to be the right thing to do at the time.  She reminds herself why she loves her husband (49).  That says so much to what she is feeling inside about her unfortunate situation with this manor lacking man that she feeds and cleans, which seems to be thankless tasks.  She quickly becomes depressed and the legend of the woman who drowned her kids in the creek enters the story.  Once again, Cleo is strong.  She is so blue that she seems to be drawn to the creek and it seems to pull her thoughts into a dark area where she seems to be considering taking the lives of her and her children to escape this hell she is stuck in.  But no, Cleo is strong.  She tells her doctor about the abuses she endures and like a good loving mother should do, she finds a way out.  She goes back to her loving father with help from the character Felice who happily drives her to the border and inspires our strong character to take matters into her own hands and be a strong woman.  I found Cleo’s character annoyingly naïve but amazingly strong in the end.  She helped herself out of her situation and I think many women would applaud her actions.  She envisioned her marriage to be loving and a fairy tale but it wasn’t, and I believe that the love her family gave her as a child and growing up shaped her to be able to leave this situation and love herself enough to know she deserved better.

            Carmen, on the other hand “is a take-it-or-leave-it type of woman” (61).  She is the character gossiped about like a legend in Sandra Cisneros short story called “La Fabulosa: A Texas Operetta.”  Carmen seems like a vibrant, intelligent woman that enjoys the finer things in life and knows exactly how she is going to get them, by dating powerful men.  To me, it seems it is more than just the material, it’s the fame.  The spot light is what she craves to fill her void.  I say void because she has to have something missing to date the military and not fall in love.  Some people would say she is playing him while others would say she is just keeping her options open, I would agree with that but only if I can add that she is missing a sensitivity chip.  That’s how Jennifer Aniston described Brad Pitt after he left their marriage for his costar Angelina Jolie.  For a woman, not doing to shabby on her own, to have the guts to live her life the way she did, you had to give her some credit.  She gave them something to talk about, that’s for sure.  In the end, it is sad because Carmen might have been entertaining and lived a glamorous life, but she was not searching for love and did not even seem to crave it by what was gossiped about her.  Who doesn’t want to be loved?  Was this her version of love?  Maybe Carmen was misunderstood.  Some might say she loved her self more than she loved those successful men she “dated”.  I think she must have been hurt along the way and she was a living callous that found a way to be happy with fabulous things her powerful boyfriends could provide.  I am not knocking her, because at least she was not out to hurt anyone.  Maybe just break a few hearts.

            Clemencia, Clemencia, Clemencia, where do I begin?  Clemencia, the woman with a black soul that is introduced to us in a very compelling story called “Never Marry a Mexican”, also by Sandra Cisneros, in which a woman exposes us to her charcoal heart, and obsessive love that is nothing short of Satan’s thoughts.  Her upbringing molded her into the woman she is today.  The way she loves today.  Her love is hurtful to women.  Clemencia is the other woman and that is what she likes.  She just wants the “sweetest part of the fruit” (69).  There is no love here in this story for another being.  In this story it’s the selfish thoughts of a brat of a woman turned psycho when she can’t have what she wants.  She falls for Drew, a married man who gets his wife pregnant and stays with her over Clemencia.  Clemencia feels like she damn near controls Drew’s life with his wife and he lets her think this, which leads to some sick thoughts on Clemencia’s part.  Sick thoughts of the son born to Drew and his ginger wife, where Clemencia waits oh so patiently to seduce the son of the man that left her for this woman, his wife.  This woman, Clemencia, is so shattered inside.  Her love is not sane, sweet, and gentle but the killing kind.   She seems to think she is protecting herself from the ills of love and a normal marriage but she is anti love or anti marriage and she is reaping what she sews.  She cannot have Drew, whom she wants so badly and you can tell how it eats away at her heart.  I wonder who naïve is really at this point. Cleofilas from the first story of Clemencia, when believing Drew really loved her and she wasn’t just some tramp he was having sex with on the side?  I mean, who really thinks that the man that is bedding her while his wife gives birth is worth a damn anyways?  Clemencia.  That is who thinks that she is loved and cared for by this man.  Any strong minded woman would see she is being taken for a ride by this smooth talker.  Clemencia, on the other hand, is insane and is very damaged inside. 

            Each woman, Cleo, Carmen, and Clemencia had their own tale of love in which it seems each one of their loves went bad in the end.  But, in the end, only one of these ladies shown through to be a heroine and respectable and that’s Cleofilas.  Her father’s love for her, I think, helped her through her stormy marriage and gave her the will power to get through it.  She is an amazing woman that faced becoming a mockery in her hometown in Mexico so that her children could live a better life.  Unfortunately, even though Carmen was not out to hurt anyone physically, she had cold intentions with love and the gossip mill says she might have paid dearly for that.  Even though I see nothing wrong with her light loving ways, her actions in love might have ended her life.  Clemencia, Clemencia, Clemencia with the black heart.  Not strong enough to leave a man that strung her along so she plotted.  She didn’t have the love inside to know better.  I am sure readers will be able to identify strengths and weaknesses in each one of these interesting characters but, in my opinion, there are only two women that show healthy signs of self respect and self worth. 

Three C's of WHC

            Cleofilas, Carmen and Clemencia are three female characters in Sandra Cisneros book Woman Hollering Creek and other stories that represent three totally different ideas on love and self worth.  After reading all three stories and analyzing each character I have decided to explain my thoughts on each woman’s idea of love and how that relates how she values herself.

            In our first story, Woman Hollering Creek written by Sandra Cisneros, Cleofiles is introduced to the us as a young girl who is about to be married off to a Mexican American man.  She has an idealistic view of how the marriage will be as she watched telanovelas all day religiously in her home country of Mexico.  She is excited to experience marriage and dress fancy like the ladies in the soap operas she idolizes.  Cleo has no idea there is so much more ahead for her that she is to naïve know about.  But before she leaves, her father reminds her that he will always be there for here to come back to if she needs to come back.  (43)  Once she is married reality sets in after she already has kids and feels stuck with an abusive husband who talks down to her while she is also in between Dolores and Soledad, her neighbors.  Cleofilas is admirable because she tries as hard as she can to make the marriage work because that is what she believes to be the right thing to do at the time.  She reminds herself why she loves her husband (49).  That says so much to what she is feeling inside about her unfortunate situation with this manor lacking man that she feeds and cleans for which seems to be thankless tasks.  She quickly becomes depressed and the legend of the women who drowned her kids in the creek enters the story.  Once again, Cleo is strong.  She is so blue that she seems to be drawn to the creek and it seems to pull her thoughts into a dark area where she seems to be considering taking the lives of her and her children to escape this hell she is stuck in.  But no, Cleo is strong.  She tells her doctor the abuses she endures and like a good loving mother should do, she found a way out.  She goes back to her loving father with help from the character Felice who happily drivers her to the border and inspires our strong character to take matters in to her own hands and be a strong woman.  I found Cleo’s character annoyingly naïve but amazingly strong in the end.  She helped herself out of her situation and I think many women would applaud her actions.  She envisioned her marriage to be loving and a fairy tale but it wasn’t and I believe that the love her family gave her as a child and growing up shaped her to be able to leave this situation and love herself enough to know she deserved better.

            Carmen, on the other hand “is a take-it-or-leave-it type of woman” (61).  She is the character gossiped about like a legend in Sandra Cisneros short story called La Fabulosa: A Texas Operetta.  Carmen seems like a vibrant, intelligent woman that enjoys the finer things in life and knows exactly how she is going to get them, by dating powerful men.  To me, it seems it is more than just the material, it’s the fame.  The spot light is what she craves to fill her void.  I say void because she has to have something missing to date the military and not fall in love.  Some people would say she is playing him.  Others would say she is just keeping her options open, I would agree with that but only if I can add that she is missing a sensitivity chip.  That’s how Jennifer Aniston described Brad Pitt after her left their marriage for his costar, the knock out Angelina Jolie.  For a woman, not doing to shabby on her own, to have the guts to live her life the way she did, you had to give her some credit.  She gave them something to talk about, that’s for sure.  In the end, it is sad because Carmen might have been entertaining and lived a glamorous life but she was not searching for love and did not even seem to crave it by what was gossiped about her.  Who doesn’t want to be loved?  Was this her version of love?  Maybe Carmen was misunderstood.  Some might say she loved her self more than she loved those successful men she “dated”.  I think she must have been hurt along the way and she was a living callous that found a way to be happy with fabulous things her powerful boyfriends could provide.  I am not knocking her, because at least she was not out to hurt anyone.  Maybe just break a few hearts.

            Clemencia, Clemencia, Clemencia, where do I begin?  Clemencia the women with a black soul that is introduced to us in a very compelling story called Never Marry a Mexican also by Sandra Cisneros in which a woman exposes us to her charcoal heart, and obsessive love that is nothing short of Satan’s thoughts.  Her upbringing molded her into the woman she is today.  The way she loves today.  Her love is hurtful to women.  Clemencia is the other women and that is what she likes.  She just wants the “sweetest part of the fruit” (69).  There is no love here in this story for another being.  In this story it’s the selfish thoughts of a brat of a woman turned psycho when she can’t have what she wants.  She falls for Drew, a married man who gets his wife pregnant and stays with her over Clemencia.  Clemencia feels like she damn near controls Drew’s life with his wife and he lets her think this which leads to some sick thoughts on Clemencia’s part.  Sick thoughts of the son born to Drew and his ginger wife where Clemencia waits oh so patiently to seduce the son of the man that left her for this woman.  His wife.  This women, Clemencia, is so shattered inside.  Her love is not sane, sweet, gentle but the killing kind.   She seems to think she is protecting herself from the ills of love and a normal marriage but she is anti love or anti marriage and she is reaping what she sews.  She cannot have Drew, whom she wants so bad and you can tell how it eats away at her heart.  I wonder who is really naïve at this point? Cleofilas from the first story of Clemencia, when believing Crew really loved her and she wasn’t just some tramp he was having sex with on the side?  I mean who really thinks that the man that is bedding her while his wife gives birth is worth a damn anyways?  Clemencia.  That is who thinks that she is loved and cared for by this man.  Any strong minded woman would see she is being taken for a ride by this smooth talker.  Clemencia on the other hand is insane and is very damaged inside. 

            Each woman, Cleo, Carmen and Clemencia had their own tale of love in which it seems each one of their loves went bad in the end.  But in the end, only one of these ladies shown through to be a heroine and respectable and that’s Cleofilas.  Her father’s love for her I think helped her through her stormy marriage and gave her the will power to get through it.  She is an amazing women that faced becoming a mockery in her hometown in Mexico so that her children could live a better life.  Unfortunatly, even though Carmen was not out to hurt anyone physically, she had cold intentions with love and the gossip mill says she might have paid dearly for that.  Even though I see nothing wrong with her light loving ways, her actions in love might have ended her life.  Clemencia, Clemencia, Clemencia with the black heart.  Not strong enough to leave a man that strung her along so she plotted.  She didn’t have the love inside to know better.  I am sure readers will be able to identify strengths and weaknesses in each one of these interesting characters but in my opinion there are only two women that show healthy signs of self worth.